Forgiven Is Such A Strong Word
by Collections of a Tattered Soul
Summary: Bella sees Edward cheating runs off. But must return for her father's funeral nearly ten years later. And with trouble hding just behind the corner Bella must save her friends and mother all while Edward brings up painful memories of the past. R&R OOC B
1. Chapter 1

So I decided I'd make a twilight fan fic where Bella is a vampire and a punky tateooed don't touch me unless you want to get your head bit off type just go along with it I hate how she is always the damsel in distress so I am making her the punk to rule them all.

I made a few caracters myself I needed more teens.And Bella's a bit OOC but I like it when they grow evil it makes me smile.

I do not own Twilight so shoot me now.

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He... He cheated. But of course I assumed it was coming. His moody cold eyes were never on me anyway since Sally showed up. Sally a vampire looking for a way to be civil was taken in by the Cullens and here I stand glaring into the room where Edward was kissing the lights out of Sally a blonde haired goddess.

The most interesting thing was my brain went numb my eyes didn't want to cry they just wanted to seek revenge. So I turned I walked away normally as if I were leaving a nice get together with two old friends.

And down stairs I found Alice she seemed panicked she looked at me then at her feet then back to me she obviously was trying to stop me from seeing it.

"Bella.." She trailed off.

She looked confused she was most likely wondering why I wasn't crying bursting into hysterics well I'd had enough. Enough of the pain his countless acts of selfishness had plunged the dagger so far into my soul it exploded from the pressure.

"Good bye Alice" I hugged her.

She seemed frozen as I walked out the door pulling my coat around me tightly seeing as it was a bitterly cold day in Washington the weather was good it mimicked my mood.

So I drove I didn't know where I wanted to go but I was going letting my soul lead the way.

I eventually ended up at the airport sitting in my truck watching as countless happy people emerged or sad people having to leave they family entered.

I heard a knock on my truck window. A familiar face stood there her eyes looking over me, I waved her in.

"Aro said to come and get you" Jane muttered looking at my truck in disgust.

"How did... You know what never mind lets just go" I sighed.

Intense burning pain intense horrible pain throbbing through my veins its been three days it should stop I needed it to stop. Aro bit me two days twenty three hours ago and the pain has not stopped since. With no morphine or anything to at least ease the pain a little I was having a very horrible three days so far and if it didn't stop in an hour when it did stop I'd have to kick Aro's ass or Jane's whoever is closer.

I opened my eyes it was gone I felt perfectly normal besides the fact I could beat the words best breath holder any day. I looked at the clock exactly three days good thing too because they were both equally close. I looked around the room I felt extremely aware of everything the sounds of their breathing the sounds coming from down the halls and their thoughts.

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She's very pretty she look is looking at me weird I wonder why?

That was Jane__

I wonder if she'll look good in a bathing suit?

I nearly barfed but I didn't it was just the thought of Aro thinking of me as eye candy eww.

So that's how it was I could read peoples minds and as I found out later I could control people Aro commented that, that power could become very useful.

So here I was nearly eight years to the day holding an invitation to my fathers wedding in my hands.

"What's up?" Jane halted at my door.

"How did they find me? How do they expect me to show up?" I asked myself out loud.

"Bella! Bella snap out of it" Jane hit me in the head with the nearest thing at her disposal which happened to be a waste basket.

"Jane would you go with me?" I asked she looked confused.

"Where?" Jane asked rasing an eye brow.

"My fathers funeral I don't want to go alone and... Hey we could take Richy, Zach, Jenny, and Katie!" I smiled.

"Sure anything to get away from Aro for a day or two" She shrugged.

Jenny and Katie followed by Richy and Zach came crashing into my room laughing a few hours later.

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Idiots

I heard Jane say in her mind while she sat on the bed reading a book.

"You called Milady?" Jenny chuckled as she bowed.

"You want to come with me to my father's funeral?" I asked unconsciously scratching my tattooed arm.

I noticed all of their minds sync with the same though_, That's funny. _

They all laughed even Jane chuckled slightly, "So do you?" I asked smiling.

"Of course so when are we leaving today tomorrow?" Katie asked hyper actively.

I looked at the invitation, "Its Thursday at three so tomorrow" It was Tuesday.

"Okie dokie then I'll call us our plane tickets" Jenny disappeared from the room gracefully around the corner.

They all agreed to be ready by eight tomorrow, "So what do you want to do the rest of the night?" I asked Jane who was currently sitting on her bed reading.

"I Will be sitting right her while you, my dear, will be e mailing the Cullen family and ask them how they knew you were here" She didn't even glance up.

I sighed no arguing with Jane. I pulled out a laptop I had gotten last year for Christmas from Jenny and flipped it on.

Dear Cullen Family,

I am contacting you because I am deeply troubled. You see I wasn't aware of the fact you knew I was here in Italy I will be back for my fathers funeral but I do not wish to speak to you. Please respect my wishes.

Respectfully,

Isabella Marie Swan

It sounded so cold so evil I loved it. Jane looked up this time wondering why I was chuckling.

"Are you alright?" She asked bored.

"Perfect" I smirked she rolled her eyes and went back to her book.

So the plane ride went smoothly enough we landed in Seattle shortly after Richy and Jenny decided to disturb the flight attendant and nearly getting us kicked off the plane in a literal sense.

I looked up the sun was covered by the fresh ran clouds but I still kept my matrix tip jacket strapped around me. Then I saw something I wasn't expecting Alice and the other Cullen's all waiting.

"Katie don't push!" I heard Zach growl.

"I swear if I have to come back there" Jane threatened.

I sighed as I saw my reflection in a giant mirror type thing. Heavy black eye liner traced my eyes my black leather jacket was pulled to three buckles on my waist it lightly kissed my jean clad calves which were connected to my converse sneakers.

"Ok that's it you two separate!" Jane yelled pulling Katie away from Zach with her uber strength.

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That can't be Bella with Jane that just can't be she looks so mad at the world

I heard Rosalie say in her mind.

Someone hit me from behind I glared at Jenny who coward in fear. I shook my head and made her walk forward in a march.

I did it to all of the four, "Now you four are to be good this week or I will personally make your lives living hells" I muttered just loud enough for them to hear and possibly the Cullen's to hear also.

Jane hit my out stretched fist with a smirk.

I pulled the marchers to a stop in front of us when we were in front of the Cullen's.

"My butt itches!" Jenny complained.

I glared at her she stopped trying to break free and bowed her head, I turned my head to the Cullen's who were in shock.

"So am I to assume you got my email?" I asked.

"Yes we did" Carlise answered.

I sighed, "We'll rent our own car. Katie go" She walked away like a robot.

"Your god awful" Jane smirked.

I shrugged as Katie walked out of my sight and out of my grasp.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" Jenny asked her lesson learned.

"Go ahead you've got five minutes" I said as she walked off.

I heard some guy call out for a flight to Amsterdam, Jane and I laughed.

The Cullen's looked at us like we were crazy, "Nancy" I laughed out.

"Kelly" We laughed harder.

I found my voice but was still laughing just like her, "Who knew drugs could do that to you" She and I laughed.

"The monkey in the barrel" I laughed.

"Hog tied!"We said together leaning against each other for support.

"Are they ok?" Katie returned with keys.

"They just remembered Amsterdam" Richy shrugged.

"Oh which time?" Jenny appeared.

"I think this was the time they got thrown in jail" Zach shrugged.

"No it was the time we had a little to much Vodka and decided to throw a parade at two in the morning" I laughed.

"The time you were Nancy Pancy and Kelly Belly the great defenders of the city?" Jane and I laughed harder.

"Ok guys well seeing as you're a bit too high to drive our Porsche I guess I could" Jane and I stopped and grabbed the keys.

I looked at Jane and she laughed, "I can't drive" She shrugged letting me have the keys.

"So how much did the Porsche run you to rent?" Jane asked.

"Three hundred dollar deposit" Katie laughed.

"Aro's going to kick our ass" I said it as if it were a joke.

"Bella" I had almost forgotten about the Cullen's.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Do you have a place to stay for the week?" Esme asked.

"No I don't think so" I answered.

"You can stay with us if you'd like we'd be happy to have you" Carlise smiled.

"I think about it we may be over later" I smiled I liked Carlise and Esme.

I smiled at Jane, "But first we must find ourselves a meal and maybe some weapons I'm just hoping Ricardo decides to ambush us here I really don't want to see him fight in the pink jacket it burnt my eyes" Jane laughed along with me.

"So we'll see you then?" Alice asked smiling she'd already seen us there I bet.

"Sure" I didn't dare bet against Alice.

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So what did you think? I need your arproval before I contuine on so reveiw me ecuase my reviewers are my STARSHINE!

Love,

Collections of a Tattered Soul.


	2. Trouble in Hell

Hi well I am not in the mood to talk I want to wright so just let me be and review becuase if you don't my mind just might give up its captaticy for love...

I don't own Twilight sadly enough I don't own anything at all really.

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"That's classic if you press the side here a knife pops out" The man said pressing a eye on the red dragon craved into the metal of the blade I held.

True a knife thing popped out landing in his hand, I smiled it was as close to my real one as I could get. Jane had already gotten a knife of her own brought it from Italy and I honestly had no idea how she got in on the plane but with Jane I didn't want to know.

So after telling the four of those little brats that they weren't allowed weapons until they were done training we left.

After a quick bite (heh that was clever) we headed for Forks.

I remembered quickly after getting there why I'd left. Looking at the school children pouring into their houses to escape the rain home for summer the college students who had gone away returning and the adults coming home fresh from work I found myself wondering if I hadn't left would I be living this dull life? Its was so utterly boring they insignificant lives went on without knowing the truth they were just going to die in the end.

"This is the town you grew up in?" Richy asked in digest.

I sighed not even looking at the road but I didn't waver from the projected lines, "Sadly yes."

I remembered the directions to the Cullens' by heart my foot pressed to the gas peddle as Jenny and Katie yelled at each other to scoot over.

Parted pulling my newly acquired sword with me as I stepped into the cold drizzle. Cold like my soul but wet like the tears I wish I could cry.

"Bella!" Alice hugged me. I smiled I missed Alice I did she was like my sister my very annoying very peppy sister.

Alice began to pull me to the door, "Bella Jane can we go running?" Richy called.

Jane sighed, "You've eaten so don't kill anyone!" Jane called as they disappeared into the forest.

Inside Esme Carlisle and every other Cullen including Edward who didn't look at me stood waiting.

I noticed I was dripping wet as did Esme who held out her hand, "I'll take your jackets."

I dropped my things to the floor and unbuckled my waist and shrugged my coat off and handed it to her but her eyes along with the other people in the room were tracing my arms with their eyes everyone but Jane of course.

"Um Alice will take you to your room" Esme sputtered out.

I threw my things back around my as we climbed the stairs.

The room was big with a stereo in the corner. I kicked off my shoes and dropped my stuff.

"Bella when did you get those?" Alice asked I noticed her and the other Cullen children had walked in and were now standing to look at us.

"Various places" I shrugged.

Jane went over to the radio and started flipping through stations.

I sighed after she growled in frustration, "Here" I threw her my Ipod from my jean pocket.

"Thanks" She went to work plugging the stereo into it and flipping through till she found a song she liked. She finally just put it on shuffle and walked back to the couch and opened her book.

Alice took a seat on the floor, "So what have you been up to since you left?" She asked I smiled.

"Aro won't be happy with you if you tell them" Jane said from behind the book.

"Aro won't be happy yes but he knows he can't kill me or anything you'd throw a hissy fit if you got another roommate" She smirked from behind the book.

"What's so important?" Emment asked leaning against the wall.

"Your choice I doubt Aro will care if Ricardo shows up and kills a bunch of humans trying to get to us if you tell them why or not" I laughed lightly.

"Who is Ricardo?" Rosalie asked.

"You have to know the whole story first. Ok so when I left to Italy we had a few problems with a rouge group threatening to reveal our existence to the world, Ricardo was their leader. Aro sent Jane and I specifically to train for two years throughout out the globe. A new division was set up in Volturi Aro Marcus and Aro appointed us its leader. we are sent on various missions to kill the various people involved I doubt you actually knew there was a war going on... So anyway we have an army out and about over every continent at any time battles can and will erupt at any moment. Ricardo has been after us for years any time we are even away from Volterra he attacks. Let me assure you that if Ricardo takes us down the humans will be enslaved" I sighed.

"Speaking of we've got a call from Aro" Jane picked up her phone and put it to her ear.

His low fast voice filled my ears I couldn't make out what he was saying but Jane seemed very agitated by the news.

She flipped shut her phone, She got up quickly hurrying around the room her mind was blank.

"What's up Jane?" I asked she stopped just long enough to throw me my sword.

"Ricardo is planning something to do with your mother and your old friends Aro says to get them and bring them here We've got no time to spare" Jane hustled around.

"Who?" Carlisle asked he'd heard it all as I could only assume.

Jane looked at me, "Your mother her husband A girl named Angela and some guy named Jacob" I popped the top of my sword from my sheath to make sure it was there or maybe to see if I was freaking out yet I wasn't that was good.

"I get my mother Phil and Jacob" They were down for my fathers funeral.

"I'll get Angela" Alice smiled.

"Be careful" I muttered as I lifted up my pant leg.

Jane opened a bag and tossed me a hand gun which I put in the brace on my leg. She tossed me a knife which I took then looked at Esme who gave me my coat I shoved the knife up my sleeve slipping my shoes back on and putting the ipod in my pocket and running my ear phones up my shirt and put them handing over my collar.

"Don't go alone and take this" I handed Alice a gun she looked at it then looked at me.

I smiled at Jane who nodded and we walked out of the room followed frantically by the Cullens

"Actually if we're going into the reservation we might want others with us so Jasper Alice would you mind going to get my mother and Phil?" I asked not turning around.

"Of course Bella" Alice was smiling I could tell by her voice.

"Rosalie could you get Angela?" I asked finding Richy Zach Katie and Jenny at the bottom of the stairs.

"Sure" Rosalie sounded bored but there was an edge of worry.

"And Emment and Edward your coming with us Carlisle Esme you stay here and wait for Angela My mother and Phil they'll be confused and scared calm them down ok?" I asked as I motioned to the couch for the four.

"You four are to stay there until we return if you move a muscle I'll have you punished nows not the time for goofing off" I ordered they sat on the couch and looked at me with worry sinced into their eyes.

I smiled to ease them up and walked into the rain with Jane.

"Bella!" The Cullen children rushed after me.

I turned around they seemed worried, "I can't do this alone and right now your all I have so please, please just help me before Ricardo decides he's is going to kill my family" I begged.

That seemed to stop them from questioning Alice and Jasper took off in the direction of my fathers house Rosalie in the direction of town and emment and Edward stood waiting for us.

I was hoping this wouldn't be hard this wouldn't be a war in the middle of a town I have so many I used to love I wished that Ricardo would just die but I knew that all of those things were not going to come true this was going to be a battle and we were going to be fighting in it weither there is a human in the way or not.

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What did you think? Keep going or stop?

Love,

Collections of a Tattered Soul.


	3. Fight me and I'll kill you

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So I hope your enjoying this but if you aren't thats just too bad I'm having a grand old time and I'm going to keep writing because I NEVER LEAVE A STORY UNFINSHED.

I don't own Twilight..hmm that would rock...

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Well one minute we were happily running to save a few lives and the next we were surrounded by werewolves big fluffy werewolves.

I saw them glare over their noses at us growling.

And then one minute we were happily about to be devoured by rabid wolves and the next we were looking at a group of rouge vampires.

"Why hello Isabella Jane I wasn't expecting to see you here so soon" I sighed grabbing my ear phone and placing it into my ear.

The werewolves turned to growl at the newly arrived scum, "You are to stay back" I said calmly pulling my sword from its place at my side.

"Are you going to fight us? Alone? Where is your big and bad army when you need them?" It sounded more like a statement then a question accompanied by a chuckle from the four that were with him.

"Shut up Justin or I'll make you" Jane growled.

The group seemed to take it as a joke laughing, Jane smirked and looked at me I nodded.

They didn't see us coming because they were to destracted by their own giggles to even see our bodies sweep between them slicing various body parts.

They didn't see us but they felt us and they screamed and either tumbled to the ground or held the spot where their arms used to be.

"You slut!" Justin staggered with his arm held in his hand.

I smirked and ducked out of the way of his on coming thrust of the sword got behind him and withoput looking back shoved my sword into his back then with one swig I had his head off.

Jane and I finished off the others in half the time and as they started to regenerate I pulled a box of matches from my coat pocket Jane who had a bottle of fingernail polish dumped it over them and I threw a match in.

Jane held out her fist and I hit it looking into the flames.

The pack looked confused and Emment and Edward looked at us as if we were crazy.

"So since you're here now you can come with us we really must get back" I smiled.

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Is that Bella?

I heard Jacob ask himself in his mind.

"Yeah it is but we have to go" I pushed my sword back into my sleeth.

They didn't seem very apprehensive as we headed back toward the Cullen house.

But all was hell when we arrived. Jane and I looked over the lawn most of our army had arrived and they were all nervous and anxious and most were yelling at Carlisle.

"Hey!" Jane and I yelled at the same time.

They all stopped to look at us, "You step back!" I yelled angrily.

They did as they were told each stepping back so that the front of the house was visible.

"Stay there until we come back" Jane growled. as we walking into the house.

I found my mother having a melt down Phil looking lost and Angela confused.

"B-Bella?" Renee's eyes widened.

I remember faintly about Aro saying my family thought I was dead and were having me a funeral. And now to come back eight years later perfectly fine and the same age as I disappeared well that must of been a shock.

And with her already nervous wreck type of mood she passed out. Esme sighed happily having brought the woman a cup of tea and Renee had knocked it on the ground.

"So when's the party gong to start?" Jane asked I was sure the others had frozen in shock just a party when people were likely to get killed.

I looked at the cold blankets of drizzle that began to hit the window and let my instincts take over. Now I had power I had to admit I was much more powerful then you could even imagine but I could only control it in short out bursts and even then I had to use full strength to stop myself from killing off a bunch of humans. I only used my full strength for long periods of time when it was pertinent like when Ricardo came around.

"Their planning watching if we make the first move. If we haven't done anything by night fall they'll attack" I muttered opening my eyes that had fallen shut.

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Iam so sorry I was completly out of my head and forgot to update but this may be short but its really a filler chapter but next time we will have a meeting with Ricardo.

Sincerly,

Collections of a Tattered Soul


	4. Introducing Harper Elizabeth and Anthony

So this chapter will twist what ever you thoyught before it will be so randomly weird that your eyes may just burst.

Oh and this is how I think Bella should have powers you know keep all her human traits except aging of course.

I do not own Twilight but I do own Harper Elizabeth and Anthony.

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I opened the door at a half passed five my mother was asleep in Alice's bed Phil had gone along dead on his feet Angela was looking between me and Edward anxiously and Jacob with his pack were sitting cautiously in the corner.

I saw three people I wasn't expecting looking back at me and my heart swelled but I was very angry, "What are you doing here?" I asked huffing.

"Don't freak we're on break heard about what was happening you know out of pure boredom." Harper shrugged her hazel hair falling over her shoulders.

"Oh hello" Jane smiled walking by.

Elizabeth winked, "J-dog" Jane shook her head sighing before she sat on the couch.

"More guests?" Esme asked coming down the stairs with a wet wash clothe.

"Dude, Calem is having a melt down" Anthony smirked waving outside.

Harper was still focused on Esme, "Hello" She smiled.

"Welcome" Esme smiled.

The Cullens' looked up from the couch, Jenny and Katie shot up, "Ella Harps I didn't think you'd be out of China for the next six months what's up?" Katie asked.

"Oh I've got something to show you!" She proclaimed happily.

I looked at her concerned she laughed and lifted her tee shirt to reveal a silver piercing in her navel, "Did it hurt?" Jenny asked looking at it in awe.

She laughed slightly a musical angelic laugh her hair bouncing with her random streaks of pink flowing through it, "No I just got a needle shoved through some skin on the one of the most sensitive parts of my body didn't feel a thing" I sighed shaking my head.

I looked at them anger still evident in my eyes, "Its dangerous here you realize that Ricardo is going to attack this place later tonight" I growled.

Anthony rolled his eyes, "Chill, Mom, Aro told us to come anyway."

"Oh, he's going to get it" Jane muttered calmly and she was right he was going to get it but the Cullens' were more focused on trying to connect the resemblance of Edward and the teens standing in front of them.

"Bella you need to explain everything now!" Alice growled.

I looked at Richy, Zach, Jenny, and Katie, "How about you four go with Harper Ella and Anthony and try and calm Calem down?" I asked gently.

"Um yeah of course" They walked out the front door closing it tightly behind them.

I was gone for only half a second appearing back with a book a large thick photo album.

I placed it on the coffee table and Esme was the first quick enough hand to grab it.

She opened it to the first page, A picture of me eight months pregnant,

"When I said I trained for two years, I did after about two years my children were micacles no vampire had ever even thought it possible to have children but I of course was an exception.

Harper Renee Swan, Anthony Charlie Swan, Elizabeth Esme Swan" All eyes except Jane's were on the photo album now sat for everyone to see on the coffee table open to the second page a five year olf Harper and Ella were sitting on Anthony as if he were a chair he looked annoyed.

I motioned for someone to turn the page, Ella was currently nearly at her fifteenth birthday sitting on a sterile looking seat with a brawny man hunched over her ankle where a fresh ark was beginning to form a red and black rose.

"Ella has always been a bit of a risk taker, not that Harper is any better its just Ella likes to do things that may seem irrational but she'll think them through. ever since she was little she'd be able to see the faults of something she did but she could talk you into anything if she wanted to. Harper is more reserved trips a lot but like her sister adventurous but cautious Ella likes to pick at her until she gets what she wants. Now Anthony is a character in himself, very irrationally protective of his sisters being the oldest and their big brother has that affect. He is really smart and has a hard love for classical music was accepted to the Institution of Arts and Musical Genius in Italy but couldn't go because he had to go to China with his sisters and train." I motioned for them to turn the page a picture of a blushing Ella kissing a gorgeous black haired man on the cheek while they stood at what looked like a prom.

"You see I have power certain unheard of power, human traits still occur in my life but pregnancy wasn't caused by normal human circumstances I'm told by Aro who has done research on the subjection of human traits in the vampire gene. While your human you experience things that can have an influence on your vampire powers among other things. While human you lets say have strong emotions or are very infulencal then when you're a vampire you become able to control emotions. I had contact with vampires and was fully aware of them before I was turned, this is how I am able to have vampire and human traits. My pregnancy was out of pure loneliness really its Pathetic now that I think about it I was lonely, angry, frustrated, envious, and droning in pain. Now there have been test done with the blood that still rushes through my veins, and test done on subjects. I am able to make you capable of having children its one of the many gifts of mine. Aro and the others are quite pleased the Hybrids as they so bluntly refer to the offspring of children can go months years even without a drop of blood human food stand in for most of their food sources." They were now flipping through the photos all by themselves most were of children but others were of Jane and me.

"Vampire children grow at an alarming rate though, they grow two years for every human year and stop at the age of sixteen or seventeen its never really easy to tell. So that's it" I sighed as they closed the album.

Then it hit them they seemed to grasp what I was telling them all at once, "YOU CAN MAKE VAMPIRES PREGNANT?!"

Awkward...

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Success I have finshed yet another chapter!

I rather enjoyed this chapter so did you like it? i would really like it if Bella held her human traits when she turned into a vampire.

Love,

Collections of a Tattered Soul


	5. Crazy

I sighed as I changed the bloody gore on my coat was not faltering at all. I slipped on a black tank top my muscle ached which shouldn't happen to a vampire but as I have said before I am different much different.

I pulled my hair from its tight bun and it fell loosely over my shoulders. I wiped the eyeliner from my eyes and washed my face out of habit. I put on black shorts and pulled off my socks. I had been in timed to this ritual from my human years and I did it without thinking most of the time I was off in space while I did it which is one reason I missed the door opening and closing from behind me.

I turned around and jumped back also a trait of my human years. Edward stood there looking at me as if I were either nuts or an angel but I'm going to choose nuts for obvious reasons.

I put back on my attitude of don't mess with me and gave him a cold stare, "Yes?" I asked.

He didn't reply but his hand reached for my cheek I couldn't help myself the touch I missed for so long I needed to feel for so long I leaned in. But then I remembered, the voice in the back of my head that has picked at my soul for so long came alive. "He cheated on you... He doesn't love you... Who would love you... your ugly... your not worth anyone's time... your worthless" I flinched back as if I were just hit and stepped back out of his reached holding me cheek.

"Bella I.." I cut him off.

"Just go" I ordered turning around.

I heard the door open and close and I slide to the floor my head on my knees, "Your pathetic... weak... look at you breaking down over someone who doesn't give a damn about you... I hate you... everyone hates you... Go die and leave everyone else's happy life alone... Worthless... stupid and ugly... no wonder her cheated."

And at this point I snapped I threw something across the room and it hit the mirror I had been staring into the mirror cracked and broke

"Shut up!" I yelled.

"That's what you need to do crack break leave everyone else in peace" The voice mocked.

It was serial my mouth was moving in the mirror but I wasn't talking.

"Bella what's wrong?" The door flew open and the entire Cullen Family and Jane came pouring in. I shook my head it wasn't worth telling them what would they gain by me telling them I hear a voice and she is destroying my life?

"Nothing. Nothings wrong" I stood up and walked over to the mirror I picked up the broken pieces some cutting my fingers and my palms but I didn't care.

"Bella stop here let me get you a dust pan" Esme tried.

I shook my head as I stood up with the broken pieces in my hand.

I walked outside into the moonlight the camp looked at me then went back to their business.

I dug a small hole and put the pieces in it, "What is she doing?" Alice whispered.

Jane sighed, "She is very superstious they say the only way to truly remove the bad luck from breaking a mirror is burying it under the moonlight but you must do it by hand or it won't work."

I could tell they thought I was crazy and like I said I was more then I ever was in my human years. I filled back in the hole and patted it down.

I stood up wiping my blood ridden and dirt ridden hands on my pants and walking back to the house.

"Is she alright?" I heard Carlisle asked.

Jane replied, "I have no idea she has been like this for so many years as long as she has been with us. She will yell at people who aren't there throw things at imaginary figures that she claims tell her to do things horrible things to herself because she is worthless and over the years I think she has begun believing it."

And I have but those people, there is only one. I live in fear of her. I try so hard to ignore her, but she eats my hopes, and she kills my dreams. She hunts my happiness. And destroys my feelings. And she is not imaginary she is there she is me.

"That's a nice poem I think you should publish it make someone happy in your pathetic miserable life you ugly whore" she laughed.

"Shut up!" I growled.

"What right do you have to tell me to shut up? What have you ever done for me? What have you ever done for anyone in fact?" She asked.

I whirled around and there she stood a perfect reflection of me just a bit see through.

"What right do you have to even compare to anyone you worthless bum?" She asked smirking.

I picked up a glass bowl and chunked it at her it went right through her of course, "Is that all you have? Oh I'm so scared is that why you love someone who doesn't love you back?" She asked.

I was about to throw something else when Jane grabbed my arm I looked at her then back to my Demon she smirked and disappeared waving.

"Bella you have got to stop this now!" I couldn't stop this my Demon was unstopable.


	6. My Demon

I am so sick of cars, Ratmazes, and Mickey Mouse!! (Ratmazes by the way are those little things that divied the lines and make you feel like you are looking for a peice of cheese.)

Oh and I have a story to tell... well I was running after my little brother for the elevator because he likes to press the buttons and I'm evil so I like to get there firdt and I nearly ran into someone right as the door opened. I turned around and there was this drippingly hot wet shirtless guy smiling at me. "You scared me" he said. "My bad" Was my replie he stepped off of the elevator and turned around smiled and walked away. Elevator dude if your out there I love you!!

I do not own Twilight but I do own this internet axcess aren't you proud?

* * *

I sighed as I changed the bloody gore on my coat was not fallering at all. I slipped on a black tank top my muscle ached which shouldn't happen to a vampire but as I have said before I am different much different.

I pulled my hair from its tight bun and it fell loosly over my shoulders. I wiped the eyeliner from my eyes and washed my face out of habit. I put on black shorts and pulled off my socks. I had been intimed to this ricual from my human years and I did it without thinking most of the time I was off in space while I did it which is one reason I missed the door opening and closing from behind me.

I turned around and jumped back also a trait of my human years. Edward stood there looking at me as if I were either nuts or an angel but I'm going to choose nuts for obvious reasons.

I put back on my additude of don't mess with me and gave him a cold stare, "Yes?" I asked.

He didn't replie but his hand reached for my cheek I couldn't help myself the touch I missed for so long I needed to feel for so long I leaned in. But then I remembered, the voice in the back of my head that has picked at my soul for so long came alive. "He cheated on you... He doesn't love you... Who would love you... your ugly... your not worth anyone's time... your worthless" I flinched back as if I were just hit and stepped back out of his reached holding me cheek.

"Bella I.." I cut him off.

"Just go" I ordered turning around.

I heard the door open and close and I slide to the floor my head on my knees, "Your pathetic... weak... look at you breaking down over someone who doesn't give a damn about you... I hate you... everyone hates you... Go die and leave everyone elses happy life alone... Worthless... stupid and ugly... no wonder her cheated."

And at this point I snapped I threw something across the room and it hit the mirror I had been stareing into the mirror cracked and broke

"Shut up!" I yelled.

"Thats what you need to do crack break leave everyone else in peace" The voice mocked.

It was serial my mouth was moving in the mirror but I wasn't talking.

"Bella whats wrong?" The door flew open and the entier Cullen Family and Jane came pouring in. I shook my head it wasn't worth telling them what would they gain by me telling them I hear a voice and she is destroying my life?

"Nothing. Nothings wrong" I stood up and walked over to the mirror I picked up the broken pieces some cutting my fingers and my palms but I didn't care.

"Bella stop here let me get you a dust pan" Esme tried.

I shook my head as I stood up with the broken pieces in my hand.

I walked outside into the moonlight the camp looked at me then went back to their buisness.

I dug a small hole and put the pieces in it, "What is she doing?" Alice whispered.

Jane sighed, "She is very superstious they say the only way to truely remove the bad luck from brekaing a mirror is buring it under the moonlight but you must do it by hand or it won't work."

I could tell they thought I was crazy and like I said I was more then I ever was in my human years. I filled back in the hole and patted it down.

I stood up wiping my blood ridden and dirtridden hands on my pants and walking back to the house.

"Is she alright?" I heard Carlise asked.

jane replied, "I have no idea she has been like this for so many years as long as she has been wih us. She will yell at people who aren't there throw things at imaginary figures that she claims tell her to do things horrible things to herself because she is worthless and over the years I think she has begun believing it."

And I have but those people, there is only one. I live in fear of her. I try so hard to ignore her, but she eats my hopes, and she kills my dreams. She hunts my happiness. And destroies my feelings. And she is not imaginary she is there she is me.

"Thats a nice peom I think you should publish it make someone happy in your pathetic mistrable life you ugly hore" she laughed.

"Shut up!" I growled.

"What right do you have to tell me to shut up? What have you ever done for me? What have you ever done for anyone in fact?" She asked.

I wirled around and there she stood a perfect reflection of me just abit see through.

"What right do you have to even compair to anyone you worthless bum?" She asked smirking.

I picked up a glass bowl and chunked it at her it went right through her ofcourse, "Is that all you have? Oh I'm so scared is that why you love someone who doesn't love you back?" She asked.

I was about to throw something else when Jane grabbed my arm I looked at her then back to my Demon she smirked and disappeared waving.

"Bella you have got to stop this now!" I couldn't stop this my Demon was unstopable.

* * *

How do you like it? I rather enjoy Bella crazy.


	7. Not worth it

Someone told me they were confused Smile for Life I think it was. I am curious as to what you are confused about so if you could leave me a more detailed review or email me that would be fine I don't like people being confused unless it is something that was purposly put there to twist the plot.

I do not own Twilight.

And I have seen the cover of Breaking Dawn and it is crazy I wonder what is going to happen I have also read the first chapter excert! But if I were a chess expert I could tell you what the Breaking Dawn cover meant but I can't but god I hope she ends up with Edward he may be controlling but he does it to keep her alive!

Yeah and this may sound stupid but who is Sally?

* * *

"My demon can not be stopped"

I hadn't realized I'd said that out loud until Jane and the Cullens' gave me a weird look.

"Your demon?" Esme asked.

I looked over the room in my years and years of life as a vampire I have always lived in the fear of knowing something somewhere in my mind wants to hurt me. If it is me so be it but I am scared to be alone. Scared she may talk me into it, my children Harper and Samuel they have seen me at my very worst they are the ones who have kept me stable for the longest time but now standing in the house I spent so much time as a human in. In the presence of the man who I loved so much, and still love. My stability is threaten to relapse.

"Bella come on what demon?" Jane asked sitting me on the couch.

"You aren't going to tell them are you?.. Show them just how crazy you are?.. Are you really going to burden them with your selfish banter?.. Like you burden everyone else with your ugly appearance?" She asked laughing evilly.

"Please stop" I put my face in my hands.

"Stop what?.. Telling you the truth?.. Are you really that weak? Why don't you go and die?" She asked taunting me.

"Please" I begged.

I looked up she was standing there beside Edward smirking, "Your not good enough" She laughed.

"Bella calm down" Jane said sitting behind me and rubbing soothing circles in my back.

"Get Harper and Sam" She ordered someone I wasn't paying attention I was watching my demon frolic around and saying horrible things to me.

I heard the door slam and someone come and sit by me, "Mom shhh its ok she's not there."

Harper and Samuel sat down on either side of me, "Mom she isn't there now look" Sammy ordered.

I did as they said and she wasn't she was back in my mind waiting to escape again.

Sammy and Harper have always been able to see things my mind was one of those things and reading my mind in turn gave them the power to see my demon and in turn making me a little less crazy.

"What is her demon?" Alice asked.

Harper and Sammy stood up, "She's not crazy.. Just a bit unwell not to copy a song or anything but she isn't crazy." Harper treated me like a child in laying me back on the couch and putting a blanket over me I turned around but could still hear them.

"When she left and she has told us why like her we don't like to be lied to" I could hear the bitterness in Samuel's voice.

"I'm sure she has explained at least a bit of the story and it's not ours to tell. But her demon is there most of the time and she does see it and it is a figment of her imagination but she sees it to hold her back. She has been hurt in the past and that demon as evil as she thinks it is stops her from experiencing things she wants. Doing things she would normally want to because she feels she will get hurt again.

"She is a nervous wreck most of the time and fears any kid of relationship with anyone outside of Jane and us. And now more then ever she is probably having trouble every time the past before she was changed is brought out she tends to break down." I heard someone clear their throat.

"Is it the blood suckers fault?" Jacob asked.

"Which one?" Sammy asked he is always protective.

"That one Edward" Jacob said.

"Yes. Yes it is" Samuel clarified.

"What did Edward do?" Rosalie asked sounding disgusting.

Harper snapped, "You really have no idea why she left do you?"

Esme answered, "No we just assumed she was tired of being human."

I heard Samuel give a hard laugh, "Tired of being human? Who gets tired of being able to eat or breathe or scrap your knee and have you mother put a bandage on it because its bleeding? Human experiences are long held dear to those who did not choose to be a vampire. Harper and I didn't even get a choice born from a vampire you have seventeen years of human life then you turn. Don't get me wrong we wouldn't choose any other life our mother has worked so hard to make it so we don't need a father and we don't need one. But it would be nice to have one over the years you get used to having only a mother but its difficult to go op school for seventeen years and have to explain why you don't have a father when you don't understand it yourself. "

"Is there a point to this?" Rosalie snapped bad move.

"Yes in fact honey there is a point to this," I turned over to see what was going on when Harper or Sammy got mad they usually had someone to take it out on and if weren't careful they would scare the crap out of you with one look.

Harper pushed her hair from her face glare set on her eyes Sammy smirked and stepped back his sister was better with hurting people then he was.

"Ok dear this one the big one Emmett I think your married to him right?" Harper asked.

Rosalie looked hesitantly at Emmett then to Harper and nodded, "Alright then has your husband ever cheated on you? That you know of course" Harper asked.

Rosalie looked wide eyed at her, "No I mean I don't think so" She stuttered.

"Of course not!" Emmett yelled.

Harper smiled, "And if he did what would you do?"

"I..don't.." Rosalie stuttered.

Alice interrupted, "Is there a reason you are harassing my sister?"

Harper turned to her, "Jasper right? What if he cheated?" She asked.

"he wouldn't!" Alice said confidently.

"How do you know? I mean he tells you he loves you but what if he did cheat would you break down? Would you run away? To Italy perhaps?" The room looked to Edward in shock.

"Edward you didn't. Did you?" Esme asked.

Edward looked away to the floor, "Edward Anthony Cullen how could you do that to Bella?"

"You see what he has to go through because of you?" My demon asked inside of my head.

I stood up, "Stop."

"Why?" They looked at me in shock.

My eyes were on the ground, "No one. Absolutely no one should suffer because of me. Even if it means they will hurt me by doing something that will make them happy no one should be forced into guilt because I got hurt. I'm not worth it."

"That's it your not worth it not at all" My demon laughed.

"Hey has anyone seen Elizabeth?" Harper suddenly asked.

Oh no Ricardo..

* * *

How was it? Good? Bad? Ugly? Review please I love it when I even get a bad review... Although its easier if its good!

Love,

Collections of a Tattered Soul


	8. Pathetic

I have regained my love for gut wrenching horrible sad depsressing hurt. So this one may be a bit harder to handle then the others so jusst you know get over it : ) Ok now to get into character... T.T There we go

On with the story and I don't own Twilight.

* * *

I looked wide eyed at Harper, "Where is your sister?" I asked.

"We... Don't know she was just here! She went off with one of the recruits because he needed her to help with something" Harper said desprtiatly.

"What did he look like?" Jane was in full search and rescue mode as was I.

"tall Dark brown hair red eyes green tee shirt blue jeans black hiking boots" Samuel has a photo graphic memory.

"Kas" Jane gasped.

I didn't even blink as I pulled on my shoes, "Mom you can't just go and get her back and your not well enough" Harper attempted.

"You can threaten me. You can hurt me in every way possible but if he hurts one hair on Elizabeths head I will not kill him I will make him suffer a long and horrbiel death with so much pain he wishes every day he dies now I am going to get your sister back" My tone was so evil they looked at me shocked.

Jane sighed and handed me a jacket, "Wait your letting her go alone?" Esme asked shocked.

"Her mothering instincts have kicked in. I will just get in the way." Jane sighed.

"Up to bed you two I'll be back soon enough" I pointed to the stares.

"But Mom.." Sam tried.

"Now" There was no arguing involoved.

After they were gone someone spoke up someone I wasn't expecting to even talk to me, "I'm coming with you."

"No your not" I shook my head.

Edward shook his head, "No matter what you say you know I'm in this too."

I looked at Jane, "He's right you know.. I'm sorry but if he wants to go you have to let him.."

So that was it no more agruing we were off into the woods but not fast if I were to run Ricardo would definatly have more devenses ready he has a one track mind if I go slowly he will have less need to hurt Elizabeth. When I get there as it always is he will have some long winded speech then have his hostage or what ever the heck he had planned ready to take a swip in three seconds flat.

But on the down side this gave Edward a chance to question me, "Are you insane?" He asked.

"Maybe" I answered I didn't dare look at him the moon light ingulfing him accenting his flawless fetures would surely bring back memories of our Meadow... his meadow it never belonged to me.

"What do you mean maybe?" He asked.

"My mental stubilty is simply a quirk keeping me from going into a depressive state large enough to induce the harming of myself with such a sharp object once again.

"What do you mean again?" He asked.

I slipped up my jacket and exposed the horrid truth, "I'm weak and I have always been weak. but my weak heart snapped that day. You really think I just went to italy and lived there happy and heathy until I had to come back for my fathers funeral? ha if only that were the case. My life is so expendable so pitifly worthless that taking that away never seemed a problem. I've tried hanging but with the not needing to breathe it didn't work out. Drugs and Oding took so long and my blood was so mushed as it was it didn't take affect. Guns are too loud and with the possiblity of brain damage it was just too risky. So I went with the positive alternative. I used to do it as a human every once in a whuile when I was feeling emotional down or incapible. or when you would get in a mood or when you left that was when I started it really. Harper Samuel and Elizabeth are the ones who stopped me from doing it for nearly seventeen years. In that time I took up drinking because it hurt having to throw it back up. I went through Amsterdam and found out drugs are wonderfully sweet with dealing with this. Although they take long to take affect they are still just as good. But Jane wouldn't let me even start down that road and has kept me as far away from any drug since. So how has your life been? Still seeing Sally? Where is she anyway?" I asked my heart wrenched in unwanted pain and misary.

"Are you nuts? Sally?" He asked in disbelif.

I didn't look at him and kept walking even though he'd stopped. he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"You think I was ever with Sally outside of that one time?" He asked almost angrily.

"Yes yes of course. I figured that you maybe had some sort of secret relationship with her you know. I mean don't lie its fine I have no right to be angry that was your decition and I am happy you found someone of your... Stature who can live up to you and be just like you in every way the way I couldn't and still can't I may have loved you and I may still love you but you have a life and other better things I can't out shine even if I wanted to," I laughed bitterly, "Its funny really to ever think you actually loved me its pathetic."

"Isablla Marie Swan it is not pathetic!" He growled onyl then did I notice his lips were inches from mine and that same sweet breathe caressing my face.

My breathing hitched, this wasn't right I wasn't good enough. I wasn't pretty. I wasn't nice. I wasn't sane. I was ugly. I was evil. I was Mentally unstable. And I wasn't loved. No one loved me no one ever loved me.

He looked shocked as he touched my cheek which was wet with the tears I could cry. "Your such a sissy!" She was back.

"Go away" I tried shaking my head.

She smirked standing right behind Edward, "Worthless pitiful not worth his time in the least. Look at him he looks disguisted even being that close get away from him before you spred your stupidness!"

* * *

It wasn't much I would of written more because our laptop went out and my parents demanded we put my computer in their room so the high speed internet people could have something to hook it up to so yeah..

Collections of a Tattered Soul,

OUT!!


	9. authors note

Author's Note (And I hate these too.. but I have to explain...)

Samuel is to Sam as Sammy is to Samuel and Sammy is to Sam as both are to Samuel!!

Sam is Sammy, Sammy is Samuel, And I am disappointed!!

Ella is Elizabeth.

Harper is Harper or Harp... There Happy??

Okie dokie then...

Sorry..

And there are only three children...

Harper

Elizabeth

Samuel


	10. I'm SCREWED!

I really really need someones help!!

Ok see I hadn't written on this story in a while and acidently replaced Anothony's name with Samuel don't ask why anyway I reliezed my mistake and was attempting to fix it but I replaced the wrong chapter and I have complelty gone blank as what to happen in the chapter Crazy so if you could please help me I beg you

I'm so so so so so sorry!!

Email me or review or something...


	11. You really think your hot stuff? Ha!

Ok for those of you who have read this when it was still liable I will respect you and make another chapter...

I do not own twilight...

* * *

"Please stop" My knees were getting weak.

Edward released me and with the sudden loss of his warmth (or cold), the sudden lack of him there made me reach for him. I fell to my knees.

"See he doesn't want you" She smirked.

"No he doesn't" I had to agree she had to be right.

"See its not so hard admitting the truth now say it, show me you believe your worthless!" She smirked.

"He doesn't want me" I murmured.

"I didn't hear you" She cupped her ear smirking.

"He doesn't want me" I said slightly louder.

"Oh that doesn't say anything your just whispering!" She laughed.

Her expression went from joyous to mad and evil, "Say it."

"He doesn't love me okay? He doesn't want me he never has! Can you ever just leave me alone?!" I yelled at her she chuckled.

She smirked, "How hard was that?"

I felt someone grab my by my waist and gently put me on my feet and took me into a hug.

"Bella…" Edwards nose skimmed my neck.

"Bells.." He trailed off his nose reaching my cheek.

"Bella honey…" He kissed me gently.

"I'm sorry.." He pressed his forehead against mine.

"I'm sorry about what I've done to you. I'm sorry I cheated. She never meant a thing to me. And I want you I have always wanted you. And I have always loved you. Please, please believe me."

I heard a creepy chuckle as we spun around, Sally stood smirking at us, "Well Eddie you seem to be lying to yourself as usual."

Next to her she had Elizabeth held by the hair.

"Ella honey does that hurt?" I called.

She whimpered and nodded, "Mommy" She cried.

"That's it you hurt a hair on her head I bet your ready to die" I wiped my hands on my pants and drew my sword.

"Cream the whore" Now my demon and I were clear on one thing. And that was touch my kids get your head cut off.

Sally smirked and chuckled Elizabeth to the ground.

She hit with a thud and tore off the blind fold, She touched her head and I smelt her blood.

I felt my eyes blacken. My grip tighten and my mind went into a frenzy, yet all was calm.

"Mom don't hurt yourself" Ella's voice was just a tiny voice.

All that ran through my mind was all this whore had done. She'd destroyed my relationship with the father of my children, She'd hurt my child, she tore me away from a family of support and love, and now she is standing in front of me taunting me. I didn't even hate my demon this much.

"Oh your going to fight me alone?" Sally asked.

Edward was going to say something but I interrupted, "No I'm going to kill you alone, there will be no fighting back from you."

She laughed, "You would have a better chance of dying than there is for you to kill me alone."

I smirked, "You surely under estimate my abilities, dear Sally. You see while I am only assuming that you getting in with the Cullens' was simply a mistake that caused me to run away and in turn be transformed and be attempting and succeeding to destroy dearest Ricardo, I can only assume that he scooped you out from the slum hole you crawled out of after he realized he was going to die and set you on me thinking that seeing as I was emotionally unstable without even being around Edward being around him pus you would break me. Well you didn't factor in the fact, Hurting my child will give me so much more hate for you than anything you have done to me in the past. Taking Ella and hurting her causing her pain and drawing her blood you have signed your death warrant."

My mind was so focused on one and one thing only I didn't notice the Cullens', Jane, My mother and Phil, and Jacob and the pack enter the clearing where we stood.

Anthony and Harper rushed over to Ella that I noticed because Ella couldn't stand up on her own.

My incentive was still there and my mind was raging and I needed her blood on my hands.

Her eyes hardened but she had no weapon well that's not fair game is it?

I dropped my sword it clanked on the ground.

"Oh you think you can touch me without that sword of yours?" She seemed unaffected by my words.

I smirked and rewiped my hands on my jeans. I slipped off my jacket and pulled my hair back.

She smirked and kicked off her shoes. And she had no fighting skills. Therefore a blunt frontal attack was going to be her first attack.

And I was right and I grabbed her wrist calmly before it hit me, "You see honey with your lack of fighting training makes it painfully easy to predict your moves."

I bent her wrist back until I heard a snap and her yell in pain, I raised an eye brow and smirk.

"What's the matter? Where did that big and tough attitude go?" I asked pouting slightly as I brought her wrist with me around to her side before kneeing her in the gut.

She bent over gasping as I dropped her wrist and grabbed her by the hair pulling her back to stand up.

I hovered my mouth over her ear and hissed, "Now where did your toughness go? Are you going to answer me? Or just delay your death and add to the torture?"

"Someone will come for me" She growled.

"I admire your stubbornness but let me share a little secret with you. Res he gave you Ella knowing you would find me because that is what Ricardo said. See Ricardo doesn't really need you. Your just a filler. You may of possibly have killed me but if I killed you he wouldn't be at that much of a loss. Your just another stepping stone for him to walk all over."

* * *

Here you are my friends

Collections of a tattered soul


	12. see I can update

Oh I'm sorry I have been meaning to update for a long time so here we go.. heh heh my bad I sorta accidently well... here sorry about that

I don't own Twilight I'm just a hopeless addict..

* * *

Before I could breathe before I could blink Sally had picked the sword off the ground where I'd dropped it and shoved it through my stomach.

She smirked evidently she thought she'd won, I heard my mother gasp my name and someone hold her back and I could hear the Cullens' panicking slightly with their thoughts.

I gripped the end of the sword and pulled it out in one swift movement the hole closing up only leave a pale plaster of skin exposed through the hole in my shirt.

I cleared my throat, "Well now you are not playing far so why should I have to?" It was a rhetorical question of course so in one swift motion I swiped her.

I caught her eye before her head went tumbling off. I pulled a bottle of whiskey from my pocket took a drink and poured the rest onto her body which was already trying to reform and lite a match dropping it onto her whiskey soaked body it burst into flames.

I looked down to my shirt, "What a shame" As I tugged at the hole.

The Cullens' thoughts were more on my impressive ability to fight then the hole that irritated me to no end.

I sighed slipped the shirt over my head and holding it out in front of me. A hole running all the way through sat as I glared through it. I looked around me looking at my back and sighed.

I tossed the shirt into the flames and started back towards the house walking by Jane I handed her my sword.

"Oh yeah give me the disgusting sword thanks!" She called after me. I was perfectly aware that I was top less when I walked into the Cullens' living room but the person I wasn't expecting looked shocked.

"Isabella what do you think your doing?" Aro yelled outraged.

I looked over him he wasn't wearing his normal cloak a white dress shirt and black slacks covered his paper like skin.

"I told she was a slut" Felix muttered from the couch.

I turned to glare and found Elizabeth sitting there paler then normal. I rushed over not caring I knocked Aro over in my rush. "Ella honey look at me are you alright?" I asked taking her chin in my hand and raising her eyes to meet mine.

They were brimmed with tears and she half sobbed, "I'm sorry mom."

I shook my head raising her up to stand sitting down I pulled her onto my lap, "Shh don't be sorry I don't see why your sorry."

She shook her head, "You... I... I was so stupid" She sobbed.

Slowly choosing my words carefully she had the same conclusive mind that I had, "No you are young you wouldn't of known you shouldn't of had to know. And all that matters is that your here okay? Now go find your sister and brother and I want you back in Italy by tomorrow" I said pushing her gently to her feet.

She walked off and I stood back up Jane was already greeting Aro, the Cullen's' and the pack had been watching me, and my mother had fainted when I got stabbed.

"We don't really have to go back to Italy do we?" Harper came in dragging Ella and Anthony behind her.

"Yes" I answered simply.

She shook her head, "Why? It's so dull there and we were supposed to be going to England Darrin is having that Halloween party remember?" She begged.

I shook my head, "No not a chance."

She glared, "Mom I'm fine please let us go" Ella popped up.

I shook my head once again, "Its not safe and besides last time I let you out into a city for a party you thought you could fly no."

"Come on Bells you have to let them go how can you resist faces like that?" Aro asked waving to the pouting faces my children were giving me.

"No" I shook my head.

"Mommy please?" Ella begged.

"No."

"Please?" Anthony begged.

"No." I growled once more.

"Please?" This one was together.

"Fine" I gave up arguing with them.

"Yeah" They high fived.

I looked to Felix; "But Felix gets to go with you and make sure you don't get into any trouble" Felix glared at me.

"But.." Harper tried.

"No buts he goes or you don't your choice" I said heading to the stairs.

I heard Ella growl, "Fine get ready Felix."

I put on a different shirt and listened to my surroundings.

"Bella seems different" Aro was murmuring low so he thought I couldn't hear them.

Alice seemed confused in tone, "How so?"

"Mom is a very quiet person, it's her nerves their fried. She has never once raised her voice. She is acting strange. I haven't seen her, this alive in years. She has been through a lot of course but it starts to worry you when she won't hunt for week's months at a time or when she disappears for weeks and shows back up with a few new scars. Maybe you're bringing something out in her; then again she could just disappear until this is over with like she usually does." Anthony sighed.

Alice pushed, "What do you mean new scars?"

Ella sighed, "Mom is... Depressive. She's been since she had first come to Italy. She knows how hard it is to scar a vampire... that's why she picks fights with people to get those gashes in her arms or maybe if she's lucky get them to bite her. That's why she doesn't eat most of the time. The amount of energy it would take her to go and catch a prey would be more then she could put out with so much vampire venom in her system. Its like a drug to her a very painful very horrible drug that's killing her but an addiction.

And we can't help her. That'd be impossible. All we can do is be there for her. I'm sure she'd find a way to get herself killed if we weren't here. We do have problems staying around most of the time though. Volturi sends us to do things and we can't just bring mom around with us she has things to do too." Harper explained.

"And that. The constant stress of all the fighting she has to do is killing her in the worst way. Because it can't kill her. Sometimes I think if she could just sleep but she can't and she is constantly on the move." Anthony sounded worried.

"She's been like this for that long? Since you've been born?" Edward asked doubtfully.

Anthony sighed, "No... She's been worse we told you she is actually better here." He said.

"But she is so.. so morbid and dull.. Her emotions are all over the place all the time.. she is very rarely happy.. and when she is its for a split second before she doubts herself over something she is unstable and its driving me mad" Jasper said.

I heard the slight brush of someone shaking their head, "My mother... well has been through a lot. And I don't want her.. to fade back into the Bella who did nothing but feed the addictions she kept going for so long we don't want her to go back to that she's our mother and we love her but we can't help her alone..."

"How does it feel knowing your doing that to your kids?" She's back.

* * *

So... I would like to say I am sorry to all my loyal readers... I did not mean to take this long and there is no excuse...

Collections


	13. Jump with me

I'm working on getting Bella and Edward together but I think that would just be too easy I mean I was disappointed to a point in Breaking Dawn that it was so predictable I mean I don't like Jacob much but Steph should of been more original Bella and Edward? how about Jacob and Bella? Or Bella alone?

"And they all live happily ever after" I mean thats not what Twilights about somone should of died there should of been a fight and there should of been a bit of Originality in it...

I do not own Twilight and I never will..

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The murmuring quite I heard them all get up lead by Edward bee lining it for my room.

I didn't need this stress right now. I opened the window and with the grace I'd grown to enjoy sprang lightly to the ground. The ground pounding under my bare feet was exuberating forcing me to recall how often I'd nearly passed out while riding on Edward's back.

I nearly tripped when I realized how easy it was to think his name now. Usually back in Italy I would start hyperventilating when I said his name, thought it even. I found the place I was looking for. I sprang lightly passed the boundary and onto the reservation.

Instinct told me I was being followed but I honestly didn't care, moments like these when it was just me, myself, and I; I found it easier to be less judgmental. She never showed up at moments like this the cold harsh wind ripping against my face made me feel alive again.

I felt like a kid when Renee used to chase me around the park giggling as I tripped and she caught me, I used to wonder why Edward thought it so bad to live forever. I understood now, in my naive human years I thought it to be stupid but now it seemed fitting. I'd always imagined how it would be, being strong and graceful and beautiful now those all seemed petty.

You may be the most beautiful person in the world but without happiness your not truly beautiful. Without the smiles to lite up your features you seem lifeless. I have yet to forgive myself, I don't blame Edward it was not his fault he deserved a choice. When I was a human, when I was this weak little creature barely hanging on, I was happier then I'd ever been. When I had to have someone save me constantly when was I was the happiest. Even now, when I can stand up for myself I can kill you with a flick of my wrist, it all seems pointless. To know no one will ever be able to catch me if I fell or ever get a chance to actually feel something other than thirst is heartbreaking.

Some days I wish for it. Some days I regret it, but those days don't happen much. I don't enjoy being a vampire I hate it I would rather die then have this fate on me, but I don't kill myself (I could if I wanted to) I don't because of my children. I can't be selfish enough to leave them here alone I'm their only parent.

I sat down on the edge of a cliff letting the salt air coming from the crashing waves below me blow against my face.

Someone sat down next to me the air was thick with his scent I hated to think of how much influence he actually had over me if he tried. Because I hated being weak I hated knowing that if he said the word I'd let him back.

"Bella talk to me please" He begged I resisted the urge to touch him in comfort years of caring for my children told me to grab hold of him.

I glanced at him his expression was pained my hand itched wanting to comfort him but I couldn't he caused me so much pain he deserved a little right?

I raised my hand to the light of the moon, "You're sad. Why?"

He did something I hadn't expected taking hold of my raised hand he brought it to his lips with such casualness you'd think we'd be dating again.

When he spoke his lips moved against the top of my hand, "You're not the same person you were when you left are you?" He asked opening my palm in his hand.

"No." The answer was simple and true I wasn't little naive Bella anymore.

He held my arm to look over it examining every little indention there before sliding his finger down them.

"Did you do this to yourself?" He asked it was a soft question most people demand very rudely really.

I looked at him he was staring at my face, "Yes."

He stood up dragging me with him; He had a look on his face, one that almost made me cringe away.

He looked back at me eyes bright with excitement, "Jump with me."

I stared at him not contemplating what he was saying; he smiled brightly pulling me closer to the edge.

"I'll make you trust me again. I'll show you Bella" Then our feet left the ground.

Now I'm confused.

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Okay please review for me I love you all very much!

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